I'm back, maybe. Since I moved into my new place, I didn't have internet until Monday, and it's way too hard to write everything out on my phone. I could promise to be better about blogging all the time, but we all know that's not going to happen. However, I've had thoughts recently, on being single and being a single mom.
The longest period of time I've been single is... well, now. And between my son's father and my recent ex. It's the exact same amount of time. Five months. You see, I've always had this obsession with love. I always believed in "happily ever after", that there was someone out there for everyone. I've also always believed that if you love someone, you fight to make it work. That's how relationships are. It's not all fluff and sunshine, it's hard work. So when I met J, I wasn't looking for anything. I had a newborn that consumed my life, and that was that. But J made me believe that he was my ticket to happily ever after. That, as long as we worked hard and loved each other, things would work out. I was better to him than I've been to anyone that I dated, but it wasn't enough. Because I was better to my son. When he walked away this last time, I didn't even care. I told him to keep his reasons and shove them where the sun doesn't shine. I was done being played with, and that was my road to recovery.
I haven't had a single anxiety attack since then. I've come close, but I've been able to talk myself down. I've moved out, on my own, and created a beautiful life for my son and myself. I haven't received a drop of child support since August, and I've still done it. My house is constantly messy, I have a toddler and I hate doing dishes. It's not full of the nicest, newest things. But you know what it is full of? Love. And laughter. And pure, unbridled joy.
I'm happy being single. To be totally honest, I'd rather not put up with someone else's crap. And I'm thrilled to be a single mom. I get this beautiful, tiny boy all to myself. It's difficult, don't get me wrong, but it's the best thing in the entire world.
