I recently posted a picture to Facebook that received some back lash. The picture was of my son wearing make up. I've actually posted pictures of my son wearing lipstick and playing with make up brushes before, but this time he was wearing a full face of make up. I knew my dad would say something, so I tried to head that off with a funny caption. I said "I know, I know, he looks ridiculous. It's my fault, I didn't do his brows and everyone knows they tie the face together."
When bub was a baby, I never wore make up. The man I was dating at the time saw it as, like, deception. Which is just straight idiotic, because if you think my eyelids are just naturally bronze and shimmery, that's on you. After we broke up, one of the first things I bought was make up, and bub was old enough to notice.
He always watches me do my make up, and wants to wear it. I always tell him no, except if it's lipstick that I know he won't be able to stand any longer than it takes for me to take his picture. Not because he's a boy, but because I don't think it's appropriate for a kid his age to wear a ton of make up. Last year, I got two new sets of make up brushes for Christmas and I gave them to him. He loves pretending to do his make up.
He loves being pampered, too. Lush is his favorite store in the world. He sits perfectly still when he asks me to paint his nails, and doesn't move until they are dry. He watches me do face masks with jealousy, because I believe his little skin is perfect enough that he doesn't need it.
Well, the other night I decided to cave, and make it fun for both of us. I told him he got to do my make up, then I would do his the same way I do mine normally, and we would do masks after. He was ecstatic. After dinner he ran straight into the bathroom and told me to get my ball (beauty blender). I took Snapchats of us laughing as he smacked me in the face with the beauty blender and put lipstick on my chin. I took pictures of him posing before I blended out the highlighter. I took pictures of after, with him so freaking happy about his blue lipstick. I loved the last one so much that I posted it.
It comes down to this: if/when I have a daughter, I will never tell her that she can't do something because it's "for boys". Except maybe peeing standing up. That's just to reduce the mess though. I am never, ever going to tell my son that he can't do something or like something because it's "for girls".
He has always played with "girls" toys. He's had a kitchen and baby dolls and all kinds of stuff. Right now, he's obsessed with Paw Patrol. Specifically with Everest. If you've never seen the show (you lucky bastard), Everest is a girl dog. One of only two girl dogs on Paw Patrol. Paw Patrol licensed stuff is EVERYWHERE. However, Everest is not on any of the "boy" stuff. Only the "girl" stuff. So my son owns so much pink stuff. Everything I can get my hands on, because Everest is hard to find. He has a pink blanket, pink slippers, pink snow boots, even underwear I bought in the girls section because one pair of them had Everest on it. Guess what? HE DOESN'T CARE. HE IS THREE YEARS OLD.
I get a little angry when I talk about this. My kid is three and he likes what he likes. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me as a parent because I did my son's make up and buy him underwear from the girls section in Walmart. What fires me up is that we do not tell girls that they can't do boy things. We don't tell girls that they can't wear blue or play with trucks or like bugs or superheroes. We tell boys they can't like things that have traditionally been viewed as girly, but not the other way around. In fact, we encourage little girls and stifle little boys. Why? Two words. Internalized misogyny.
Women have been taught our entire lives that we are not good enough. We're not tall enough or thin enough of pretty enough, but using make up or working out a lot or wearing revealing clothing somehow make us 'less than'. When boys do things that are traditionally girly and we tell them it's wrong, we're telling them that being girly and being feminine is wrong, because that is what we have been told our entire lives, and I refuse to participate in that.
So go ahead, think I'm a terrible mother because I let my son wear make up (once!). I don't give a shit. What I do care about is whether he grows up to be a decent human being who treats other people with respect, and I think he will.
