I thought I'd miss him more

Do you guys want to know my worst "bad mommy" secret?

I don't miss my son when he's gone.

If I'm at work or he's with his dad, I just straight up do not miss him. Occasionally I'll see something that reminds me of him, or another child, and have a moment but then I'll go back to not missing him.

See, when I'm at work, I already have a ton on my plate. I know he's fine at school and if he wasn't, they would call me. If he's home with my mom I think about him a lot more, because it means he's sick, so I worry and just want to be with him. On normal days, though, I just worry about my job.

It was hard at first. When I first went back to work after he was born, he was three months old. I had anxiety attacks every day being away from him and ended up leaving early all the time because I couldn't stand being away from him. I took the job at the daycare and got to be with him for almost a full year before he switched classrooms. Every time he switched he got a little further away, but I had other kids to worry about.

I was really worried when I switched jobs, putting him in school in South Jordan and me at work in Wood's Cross. It pretty much was hard until he stopped crying at drop off. Now he barely notices when I leave and we both like it that way.

And when he's with his dad? It's very rare that I worry. And that is MY time. I get to sit on my couch without answering a constant slew of questions or having toddler feet in my face. I can actually use my gigantic ass flat screen TV for MY shows instead of Doc McStuffins and Super Why. I can go to the store without it being an hour long ordeal between leaving and going home. I can shower in peace! I can eat in peace! I CAN POOP IN PEACE!

Honestly, I thought I'd miss him more when he was gone. But truthfully, I don't. And I don't think that makes me a bad mom, it just makes me a mom who needs a little space.